RainbowDash's Shame
by Lunarlightslash
Summary: RainbowDash loves Applejack but can't deal with the fact that she loves her since other ponies in her society are against such 'wretchedly sinful ponies' cough cough anti-gay ponies cough cough


_AN: __If you don't like My little ponies i kindly ask you to leave this page before going further._

_Warning may be Triggering to some people._

_Disclaimers: I most defentitly don't own the show otherwise i might ruin it on accident O.o_

* * *

I was flying so fast I knew no other Pegasus could follow. I was dashing around in my usual fashion, beyond reason, into a million different twigs, and of course late in the night. The only effect the moon had was the bits of silvery light that flashed through the millions of leaves. These kinds of nights had become my usual thing.

Every night since… well an incident, yeah that's the best way to describe it an incident. I have gone out when everypony was asleep. I would go as fast as I could while being silent to the Everfree Forest so I could then fly as fast as I could. There I could cry my heart out. No pony could see my shameful state this way. No pony could give me that awful pitying look.

I could still be '20% cooler than everypony else' this way. My friends can still respect me and act nice to me this way. I would still have friends this way.

Oh for Celestia's sake why am I so shameful! I can't stop crying. Not even the pains I feel all over my body from the scratches that cover me stop them. They flow like rain from my eyes. The pain that emanates from my heart is just that much stronger.

CRASH! THUNK…

* * *

"_Hey Dash. How come y'all covered in scratches?" Applejack questioned. Her searching emerald eyes seared my face with her concern._

"_Oh these? I almost forgot about them. While I was practicing this REALLY AWESOME trick I invented I accidently crashed into a tree. I can't even feel them No Prob at all." I wave my hoof as though it really was 'No Prob' and that looking into Applejack's beautiful eyes didn't make me have a heart ache._

"_Ok if y'all sure that you're fine…"_

* * *

I woke with a start from the memory. I could feel the sweat all over my forehead. I don't like deceiving AJ but what choice did I have? I wouldn't be able to stand the shame.

I know that what I'm doing is wrong and it takes its toll on my body but truthfully I really don't feel it. No it doesn't hurt at all. I feel more of my salty tears on my cheek and feel my body burn with shame.

Why am I such a baby! Why am I such a disgrace! How come I am so useless! 'I control weather, like OMG that's so great,' well bugger any fricken Pegasus can do that. I'm not so special at all. Why I am but a pitiful scrap of fur and feathers!

I get up and look at the huge stone wall I flew into. How I didn't noticed it is beyond me. I start to fly but yelp and fall down.

My left wing is completely engrossed in my own blood a few twigs are stuck in it and it all bent out of shape. With horror I realize it is broken.

How am I to explain this! No one will believe any of my excuses for this! If only I could die! My mind goes blank with that thought. It has crossed my mind quite a lot of times these past months. I am coward though. I lack the courage to go through the plan and kill myself. Every time I stop myself at the last minute. The shame. The shame consumes me once more.

I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve to breathe this air. I don't deserve to feel the sun's rays or see the beautiful moon. I don't deserve my wonderful friends or anything really.

The insults others unconsciously throw at me float through my head. I can't deal with the knowledge and shame. Suddenly am sobbing so loud none off the silent tears I've let wash down my face these past years, a complete bawling fest…

"I'm a _Faggot_. I'm such a stupid little _Faggot_." I scream to the silent night air. My sobs rack my body even more.

Calm down think rationally like Twillight does.

"Love. It is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. A state of mind." I calmly say to myself as my tears die down. "We as ponies only feel love to reproduce." I drone on with no expression or feeling in my mind but the cold harsh truth. "Our only real purpose in life is to survive and reproduce so our species will live on forever."…

Then why would I feel it for a mare? I can't reproduce with a mare! Is it so wrong that I love her! It must be since no pony accepts it…

"Love hurts… Happiness hurts

Pleasure hurts… Sadness hurts

Life hurts… Laughing hurts

lying hurts… Smiling hurts

but loving _her_ hurts the most…"

I drone on once more as I wander around the mossy and muddy spot of the Evergreen forest I fell in.

I'm alone.

All by myself.

No otherpony but me

No… this is better. I can wander endlessly this way. In a forest filled with ever growing darkness just like my broken heart. Here I will ramble on until my body slowly decays and leaves Equestria forever.

…

It really is better this way!

Don't feel sorry for me.

This is what I want… no what I deserve! Really

I'm happier this way. Happy. Happy… happy

…

* * *

_AN: I thought this was a good place to end this hope you enjoyed and please review. If you want point out what I should improve on I will gladly listen to your advice. Thanks._

_Also for those who might have not understand The way RB flew into trees was her way of Cutting._


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